Top Ten Ways to Make the Olympics more Exciting

10. Replace curling brooms with Swiffer Sweepers.

9. Let Dick Cheney participate as a member of the US Biathlon team.

8. Start an over/under pool for doping violations.

7. Place over/under bets with Rick Tocchet and Janet Gretzky.

6. Spike all of Team USA'S water with Rogaine.

5. Put loop-dee-loops on the luge and bobsled tracks.

4. Hold figure skating events on a barely frozen lake.

3. Require skiers who compete in the giant slalom to use a GT Snow Racer or a crazy carpet.

2. Party with Ross Rebagliati, Bode Miller and the Jamaican Bobsled team.

1. Use the Olympic Flame to make Smores.