Top Ten Reasons to Feel Sorry for Calgary

10. Their # 1 tourist attraction is a scale model of the CN Tower.

9. It’s legal to date women who were born during their Olympics. Let it go already.

8. The Calgary Zoo offers conjugal visits.

7. They brag about warm wind as if they invented the Chinook.

6. The Stampede is nothing more than 8 second speed dating for Calgarians.

5. They have to see their ex-wives at family reunions.

4. Their collars are whiter than a Provost rally before Labour Day

3. They have less culture than yogurt.

2. Their most famous sports figure wore pink tights.

1. Shared DNA and lack of dental records makes it impossible to solve crime.